oftheletter | ic inbox (aefenglom)

[There would have been more to the conversation than that, of course, but L is letting him know that at least the Death Note has been mentioned directly.

Of course Kira would make it sound as though he needed a hand in the law enforcement system here.]

I wasn't aware crime was rampant in Geardegas.

[He says this dryly.]

His sort of justice isn't needed here. Don't allow him to convince you otherwise.

How do you plan on handling him from here?

[Of course there was more... but innate pettiness keeps certain cards closer. The mercy of killing him in a dream aside, if Near wishes for the privilege of mocking and belittling L while benefitting from their Bond, L sees nothing wrong with assigning himself certain other privileges as the price for enduring it.

Access to Light, friendship with Light, even physical intimacy with Light might be what that means. For now, L's innately lonely nature clings to the rival he was denied until the end, his peer, his equal, who may hate L but would only insult himself, by insulting the detective.]

A warden's quarantine. If he wants something, he needs to go through me for it. I'm directly involved in his goals now and if I disagree, it doesn't happen.

[He's perfectly aware, of course, that Light might try to go behind his back... but the disadvantage of being the subject of L's famously fixated obsessions is that it's a virtually impossible task.]

It should go without saying that I fundamentally disagree with Kira, now and always. It should go without saying that I'll die before he finds out about the case's connection with you or Malakai, from me.

[I've done my due diligence, separating all of this in my mind. Save your grievances and your contempt.]

Edited 2021-05-08 19:41 (UTC)

It should go without saying.

[Near agrees, leaving dead and empty air after that statement that could be filled with any number of reasons why it doesn't.

L knows all of this, knows how his bonded - Mello in particular - might feel about it. He's aware that Light had killed him and more than one of the children from Wammy's house - had killed so many others without regrets - but he still wants the company of a murderer for reasons outside of their bond.

He doesn't have the memories Near has. The naga can still bring it up in his mind as clear as playing back a video: the madness in the man's eyes, the way he'd rectified all the killing in his mind by seeing himself as a god, the way he'd flailed about on the floor calling the names of people who wouldn't come for him. The man in this world might not have done that yet, but if what he said to L is any indication then the potential is still very much there.]

He's already killed you once.

[This should go without saying.]

If he does it again it won't be in a way where you'd be able to easily come back.

[And if that happens, Near will be certain the same happens to Kira in turn.]

[L knows, perfectly well, what that dead space means. It's not Near's job to make him feel safe or comforted, which is probably why it's no surprise that he doesn't... but he won't storm out. He refuses to let someone else win, that way, standing his ground to the last.

If that means being taken away on a stretcher, then so be it.

L could ask to see the memories that Near possesses, the ones that make Light Yagami seem ignoble and pitiful. Perhaps it's telling, that he doesn't.]

If he decides to kill me again, in spite of our Bond, I'll put every effort toward killing him first, in spite of our Bond.

[He grinds his teeth.]

If he manages to kill me again, in spite of my best efforts, and anything at all is left of me, may it be weighted with rocks and sunk in the harbor. By someone; I'd not burden you with finishing me off again.

Don't be dramatic.

[It's not the first time he's said this to L. It probably won't be the last, either. Of course compared to Near everyone is overdramatized.]

In any case, you'd have to know he was planning on doing it, which is what concerns me.

[That he might not. That none of them might be aware he was preparing to make any sort of move until he did it. Kira has always been good about not acting unless he knew he had the upper hand.]

And don't think I'm not capable of actual concern, however it might seem.

[He's not good at it, and the amount offered is minuscule, but it's there. Occasionally.]

Don't be dismissive.

[The retort is snap-quick. However extreme Near might believe the words are, they are sincere enough. While L hasn't yet learned that Near called him a loser upon hearing about his death, it's not as though the man doesn't share these thoughts, and isn't disgusted with himself for lacking critical information about Light's ability to manipulate shinigami.]

And you were human... I know you feel concern, in some capacity, for some matters.

[But Near is also opportunistic and callous. L expects that his concern extends to the benefits and drawbacks for his situation, possibly Mello as well; Mello is the only person L's observed anything at all like a soft spot for, regarding his successor's ties to others.

He sighs. Diplomacy and bargaining aren't his strong suit, usually because when he's decided he deserves something, it's difficult for him to be persuaded otherwise, whether it's a punishment or a reward. Light's a little bit of both; Light still feels like his, maybe because they came from the same day in their timeline, maybe because he really is some twisted version of a soulmate.]

If you're at liberty to share specific concerns.... perhaps I can lay them to rest. My goal in telling you about his confession was really only to ensure that we're on the same page... that we're not disseminating contradictory information about ourselves or Malakai to him, and making it easier for him to connect the two of you to the case, or come to realize that he ended up losing in the end. The status quo, where I believe he's not dangerous to anyone here, relies on his continued ignorance of those matters.

[I know it's selfish, but if it's hurting no one, the insult is the only harm, and only to those sentimental enough to care about such matters. That's not you; that was never you.]

[Near is quiet for a moment, still. His tongue darts out of his mouth only once, his eyes focused away from L.]

Have you taken basic firearms training?

[Near had while in America - for emergency purposes. He's barely held a gun outside of training. Even the pistols are heavy in his hands and the noise and kickback are unpleasant. He's fine with just his assistants being armed.]

There's a general rule you're taught as part of firearm safety, and that is to always treat the gun as if it's loaded.

[He does look at L now. Maybe he's lectured his mentor enough, but his continued relationship with Kira isn't a safe one. The fact that he believes the man isn't a threat currently is dangerous.]

It doesn't matter if you're positive the gun is empty. It doesn't matter if the cartridge is removed, or if you've just checked to see if there's a bullet loaded. You don't point it at anyone. When dry firing you pull the trigger first while the gun is pointed at the ground. Accidents happen when you get too confident that the weapon is safe.

[The potential is there. He can't trust Light no matter what point in time he's from. The fact that he's already Kira means he's dangerous enough.]

Don't get too confident.

Watari taught me.

[Which means the training may have been advanced in some ways, critically lacking in others, probably focused around a terrifying hypothetical where L's marksman bodyguard was unable to help him, and a stolen sidepiece was his only desperate option for self-defense.

It had seemed more like a formality than anything else. Likely, they both knew that in such a bleak situation, L would get out with his mind, or not at all. Is that how it is with Light Yagami? Is that why, when they venture into the Cwyldheart, the psychic wound of the Kira case's outcome will manifest as a brutal shot to the head?]

Knowing what he's capable of and believing that he'll act are two entirely different things. Contingent on the variables I named... I don't believe he'll act... and I'm here, telling you this, to establish as much control over those variables as possible. In such cases where variables can be controlled, confidence need not be unfounded... which is rather the point of firearms training. You don't learn to fear a weapon, or love it, but to respect it... isn't that right?

[Respect, above all, is what he feels for Light, as though it's the line between the other two emotions, balancing and completing them and quieting loneliness and boredom alike.]

Of course you respect it.

[Near holds in another sigh, seeing how L clings to this.]

But you also treat it as the danger it is. You don't have to fear something to do that.

[There was never any fear involved on his end where Kira was concerned. He was an obstacle to overcome and, in the end, a creature not even worth his pity. The word 'love' shouldn't even be in the equation.

He isn't worth L's respect now. The metaphorical weapon deserves it more than the actual man.]

What are they?

[A sudden shift that might be jarring... or else wholly expected, given how far the balance has shifted in favor of L's vulnerabilities, flaws, disgrace.]

The "reasons of your own" you have for Bonding with him. You said that you had them.

I do. And saying they're "my own" would imply that I wasn't looking to share them.

[In his eyes, at least. Perhaps not directly.

Still, after a moment's pause he continues.]

Consider it a matter of insurance, if a bit double-edged.

Sometimes, we share things with others, to foster trust or improve mutual safety. Things we otherwise might not rather share.

[A pointed remark. L's done just that, today, with Near.

It's why he's asking now.]

What assets are at risk, and should they be threatened, how do you purport to be made whole? Or...

[A pause]

Do you just suppose that you'll be able to circumvent any tragedy before the fact?

Our bond might not make certain actions impossible for him, but it will make them more difficult. And since he was the one who came to me about it first he will have less reason to suspect me of anything devious.

[Is it risky to have this particular circle of bonds? Yes. It would add some suspicion to him from Light's perspective. However, Near finds his connection to Mello particularly necessary and wouldn't seek to avoid it. Only, perhaps, to avoid mentioning it.]

The fact that both of us are connected to him gives me a certain amount of warning where your well-being is concerned. It also gives me some small insight into his actions in other regards.

He is, as of yet, unaware of my role in our world. If he seeks a way to break bonds he might look to me first as a test subject since we're not particularly close. Though only a possibility, it's something to keep an eye out for.

[L's quiet and pensive as Near speaks. They're all well-practiced at deviousness, of course, even if it's a one-way mirror for Light with his more-informed rivals peering back from the other side. Light knows that Near is intelligent, and has acknowledged as much; he does not know the risk that his eventual defeater is taking, by Bonding with two other Wammy's alumni and Kira in an inextricable web of precipitous deceit.]

I know you're capable of killing me, due to recent events... my gratitude notwithstanding. I know you're capable of killing him, as well, if in a more oblique sense. If your Bonds give you insight into his motives and actions... I wonder if you have reason to believe he may act soon, and if so... how.

[He swallows.]

My own Bonds and insight inform me of nothing on the horizon, to be immediately wary of. Which isn't to say that it might not change, just that... for the moment, this is working, and I am content.

I have no reason to believe it will be soon.

[Light has made no movements as of late that would cause Near to lean toward possibility. He doesn't have to.]

His very existence here gives me reason to believe it will happen eventually.

[He is Kira. He's beyond making the decision to become Kira, and this world will not keep him from what he considers to be his destiny. Despite their bond, L will only be seen as a roadblock to overcome, just as he was before. So as long as he's here Near will have to take various possibilities into account.

He would like to be content, or complacent, just as L is. But he is the future now, and with that on his shoulders he can't allow himself to be.]

[Not soon bodes well, at least relatively speaking. For L, anyway; his future is shorter and much, much darker than Near's in their world. Is that why he doesn't feel the same press of urgency and horror? Is that a part of him that just isn't capable of responding anymore, and was it possibly broken from the beginning?

"Eventually" is coming, whether or not he can see it, even if it's a long way off. He can't really ignore it, or pretend it isn't there, and even if he could, he's long deferred to Near's knowledge in an area he has none, for very obvious reasons.]

I have one more question... because I know you're not going to coddle me or invent some fiction to spare my feelings or avoid hurting me.

[Near's fine with that, he's come to realize. Occasionally, he welcomes it... but this is the reason he doesn't foresee this conversation extending much further, because there's only so much of it a person can take, even a similarly stunted and strange being such as himself.]

Is there no circumstance or situation in which you could conceive of him feeling anything but murderous hatred for me?

[The question all but confirms Near's concerns in regards to L's involvement with Kira. He'd known from the start, but hearing it said out loud still sends an uncomfortable twinge through his gut.

L is dangerously interested in his opponent, and there's little the naga can do to persuade him to disconnect himself from this obsession. That draw is an unfortunate side effect of their profession, lonely as they often are in it.

His tongue flicks slowly in and out of his mouth.]

There is. But Kira's views on the world are twisted by his ambitions. Whether or not he hates you, you will always be an obstacle to be removed.

[Even if the two of them were to get close, it would ultimately mean nothing. Light would give up anyone in his quest for godhood.]

He will betray the women who love him and the family that raised him. You're his opponent. What place in his life do you think you have?

[L's breaths are shallow. He doesn't look directly at Near, indeed doesn't even face him fully.

He wants to hear more about the circumstance Near could conceive of, the one that allows for what once seemed ludicrous to the detective. Suppress that, for now.]

I'm an obstacle, of course.

[It was the situation from the beginning. There's security in it, almost more so because it can't ever truly change.]

Betrayal is the expectation, and always was. I'm not delusional, I just suppose... a human may admire beauty, and a lie may be very beautiful.

Edited 2021-05-27 16:42 (UTC)

Yes, many creatures lure their prey in with their beauty before biting off their heads. I would have liked to believe that you and the common fly didn't have this much in common.

[Near can only assume most of this "beauty" is mental in nature. A beautiful mind. He can understand that much. If there's a physical element involved he would consider that beyond him.

It should be beyond L either way. It's disappointing that it isn't.]

I can't stress enough that he's already defeated you once. You'll have to forgive me my displeasure at the possibility of history repeating itself.

[L is intentionally vague about what kind of beauty he's referring to, leaving Near to fill in what he will. As long as some things are restricted to mere speculation, he has plausible deniability. He can't afford to alienate allies; he's so far from home, and decency, even by their particularly unique and strange standards.]

Then you know what it's like, to find the lie preferable.

[Spoken with resigned irony.]

We know what the past holds. The future, too, to a degree. Given the deviations in the present, from our original timeline... we can't reasonably expect the same outcome with key variables exchanged for new ones. I'm still an obstacle, as we've both acknowledged, and in our world I was a means to an end. I wasn't the end there, and that hasn't changed. It's not the answer he'll arrive at in conclusion. Like you... I don't foresee that changing anytime soon, unless...

[There's a troubled tenseness around his eyes. He's very pale, even by his typical unhealthy standards.]

Should he come to remember the same future you do, I believe that I still wouldn't be any sort of end, for him. It would be the one he fought later, and fell to, should his ire fixate on revenge.

Edited 2021-05-27 18:52 (UTC)

That's always been a possibility.

[Since Light's arrival, the potential of that revelation has always been in the back of Near's mind. Whether the man comes to remember it or this place foists the memories onto him, the chance that he'll learn of what happens is very high.

Someone could even come from the future who wants Kira to know of his defeat so that it might be stopped. There are so many unfortunate options.]

And that's why it's important that I remain close to him in some respect. Better to have some warning than none. There is a roadblock in place now that he has to bypass.

[He can't be disposed of so easily. There's less chance of him being unaware that Light has learned something he didn't know before.]

[By this logic, L believes, it's equally imperative that he remain close. There would be no reason for sudden distance or a departure, because as far as Light knows, no one has "won"; no one has prevailed. They could both forget, and go back, and it would be anyone's game.

L knows differently. He pretends it isn't so; he convinces itself it's for himself, and Mello, and Near, and not for whatever selfish desires might motivate him.

If that was the reason, what would it matter? Who would care, and what would come of it? He knows 90% of what's right, and 90% of what he wants, and everything in between is a mystery quantity to be reconciled with the truth.]

So let me be the roadblock.

[A quiet plea. L's the one he knows, after all, the glaring and conspicuous distraction. It shouldn't matter that he would take some pleasure in any amount of association with Light, even if it resulted in being dispatched.]

Should the time come to pick a side... please know that I am on yours. And on Malakai's, even at the expense of all else.

[Light's life; his own. That much is implied. Perhaps one isn't true without the other, but regardless, it's obvious that L is committed and earnest, however conflicted his soul might be. That was always collateral damage, the agreed-upon sacrifice, and it has been since the moment he agreed to stake his life on this case.

It's closed; Near did that. L still can't let it go, or forfeit the chance to consort with his killer again.]

I can't tell you not to be close to him - generally speaking. It wouldn't do any good to separate from him now anyway. You're both aware of each other.

But there's a difference between staying close to him and being infatuated with him.

[And is that not the way it is? Near doesn't believe that L would ever betray him or Mello for Light's sake. However that isn't the only danger here. His mentor's lack of regard for his own safety doesn't help anyone. They don't need a repeat of past events.]

I know you're on our side. If I thought for a moment that you weren't we wouldn't be having this conversation.

[L wouldn't be in his home. He wouldn't bother putting in any effort to keep him alive.]

A roadblock needn't be a sacrifice, and I don't need you offering to be that either.

[L's relief is conflicted and short-lived. "It would do no good to change the status quo" is not, after all, the same as "the status quo is good."]

"Infatuated" is a strong word.

[But perhaps not the wrong one. Troublingly, L doesn't deny it, or make an attempt at a reassuring show of disdain or disgust.]

In your place... I feel I would see something riddled with fallacies and contradictions. I'd see betrayal, or... at least foolishness and incompetence just as damaging. I believe as much, because even in my place, with my considerable bias, I still see it.

[And it's not enough to put him off what makes him something like happy.]

At one time, if someone appeared willing to die on a hill, I challenged them to do exactly that. Usually... it worked well. It gave away their location and made their stupid mistakes obvious. If their crime was serious enough, they were sentenced to death when I caught them.

Speaking to you, about him... I struggle to determine whether the hill is on the horizon or under my feet, and the challenge is more like an echo.

[It's his strange, abstract way of saying that he's either lost completely, or exactly where he was always supposed to end up. Either way, he is painfully reluctant to move from the spot.]

For contingency's sake... what's to be done if he ages and recalls years at a time, the way you did?

[Near hadn't expected L to contend what he'd said, but sometimes the expected response is still a bothersome one. "Infatuated" is exactly the right word, or he wouldn't have used it.]

Your past challenge is over. It will never be the way it was. Please keep that in mind.

[If L thinks it might be a better experience here he's deluding himself as far as Near is concerned. It's the same song and dance and he needs new material, however much he might get out of this.

As for what he plans to do...]

He can only age so far. [There is no decade worth of time in Light's future the way there had been in his.] If he ages it will be immediately apparent. If he recalls memories without aging it will also be apparent. Yagami Light is a good actor, but there will be no hiding a certain look in his eyes. The man is tainted.

If or when that happens I will do whatever I have to. He will want to confront me in some way.

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject