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If he was as much like me as you say then I wouldn’t have been needed. He would have been around to get the job done.

[There's a very slight edge to Near's voice as he responds. Similar or not, he doesn't appreciate the comparison. It's a brief moment of insecurity brought about by his bond with Mello and his desire to avoid being compared to someone who had lost.]

This seems more like something you can't get past.

You speak with such surety, for one who wasn't there, and never made a study of that history.

[Confidential, like everything else. But as L, if Near had really wanted to find out about what had happened to his predecessors, he would have been able to.

L's grey eyes strike their standard balance of distant melancholy and steadiness.]

All things considered, there isn't actually a way you could be so sure.

You also haven't denied my assumption.

[But the stubbornness in Near's gaze melts away again and he sighs. His long body shifts against the uncomfortable chair.

There was a time when he would have been pleased to have L share any story with him.]

What do you want to tell me, Linden?

[He could dance around this for another half-hour, at least. Instead, he cuts right to it, pulling his knees to his chest and resting his chin atop them.]

I want to tell you that it's the reason I stayed away. You deserved a fighting chance.

[Near releases a short, humorless chuckle.]

Is this all hindsight? There was always a logical reason for you to stay away. Not just for our safety, but for yours. I didn't hold that against you.

No need to make a choice grander than it was.

Of course there was a logical reason, but you know I didn't always adhere.

[Certainly, Mello would have rubbed it in others' faces, the fact that he had gotten to talk with L and hear about several cases directly from the mind who solved them. It's only recently that L has deigned to wonder at all how that might have affected Near, who seemed to always be above it all.]

Grandness is all a matter of perception. If you dedicate your life to something... there's some part of you, certainly, that thinks it's grand, or values it.

[He shakes his head.]

You should know that it wasn't my intention to meet Mello. I was exhausted and careless during a brief visit, and he got lucky.

[Or, did he? Mello, of the two of them, had been the one to leave. Mello had been the one to die.]

I never needed to meet you.

[If that comes out a little harsh, then so be it. But even if he says this there's no denying that part of him has always been jealous that Mello had been able to make that contact.

Their reasons for wanting to meet him were always different, though. Mello would have wanted to talk to him on a personal level - to learn from him. Near would have wanted to analyze him - to know what sort of person he was supposed to fill the shoes of.

But in the end, he would fill those shoes whether he met their original owner or not.]

Do not pity me, Linden.

Of course you didn't. No one needs more than shelter from the elements, and enough food and sleep to survive. Even that's negotiable for some of us.

[He stares at his clasped hands.]

"Pity" isn't the right word. You were better off for it... wouldn't you say that you were alright, in the end?

Edited 2021-05-03 03:04 (UTC)

['Alright' is relative. There are those who would say that Near had never really been 'alright'. That some parts of him had always been stunted to make up for the parts that developed too quickly.

But had he succeeded? Yes, mostly. He's survived longer than his predecessor. He had a promising career. If that means he did 'alright', then yes. He'd been 'alright'.]

I was.

So again. Don't compare me to the one you lost.

Edited 2021-05-03 20:36 (UTC)

[L nods, staring straight ahead, away from Near and into a vague middle distance. He doubts it, the way he doubts that any of them were OK; in any case, it's clear that the topic is an unwelcome one.]

There were two things. I've only addressed one.

[Took him long enough.]

You should know that Light confessed to me. He didn't mean to; he believes it's between he and I, alone.

Confessed.

[Near might have sneered, if he was the type to sneer. L makes it sound as though he should be expecting a wedding invitation in the mail at any point.

He doesn't miss where his mentor claims it was unintentional. That's not too surprising, given how this place is. It doesn't make his next question any less harsh.]

And what did you do? Tell him you still love him even though he's a murderer?

[L stares flatly at the naga.]

So, your sense of humor grew in at last. Congratulations.

[He stands, under the apparent pretense of stretching his legs. It's probably to put distance between them, give the insult room to marinate and stew.]

You chose to Bond with both of us. It's working out for you; of anyone, you should be the most satisfied with a discreet retention of the status quo.

I chose to bond with Yagami for my own reasons. We're not at all close. I can't say the same for you.

[He hadn't cared for what he'd heard of the way L handled Light in the past, and he doesn't believe the situation has improved here. It isn't even necessary here, as far as he's concerned.]

What did he tell you, exactly?

[Near doesn't even ask if his bonded is willing to share.]

[L's glance over his shoulder is a dark one.]

We are close. I still came to you with this information. It's fortunate that I don't base these decisions on mutual respect, isn't it?

You can consider it repayment for my earlier actions if you care about that. I had enough respect for you to leave you with some dignity. You should have enough respect for yourself and those that came after you to think better about how you become involved with him again.

[Near takes a deep breath. He would have closed his eyes along with it if he could, but this will have to do.]

Now you can storm out or you can tell me what he said.

[Don't pretend that you care about my dignity, now or ever.

He keeps his back turned, reproachfully. He clasps opposite elbows over his chest.]

"There's no Death Note here, and I can't even stop the criminals that our normal justice system would have stopped. It's frustrating."

[There would have been more to the conversation than that, of course, but L is letting him know that at least the Death Note has been mentioned directly.

Of course Kira would make it sound as though he needed a hand in the law enforcement system here.]

I wasn't aware crime was rampant in Geardegas.

[He says this dryly.]

His sort of justice isn't needed here. Don't allow him to convince you otherwise.

How do you plan on handling him from here?

[Of course there was more... but innate pettiness keeps certain cards closer. The mercy of killing him in a dream aside, if Near wishes for the privilege of mocking and belittling L while benefitting from their Bond, L sees nothing wrong with assigning himself certain other privileges as the price for enduring it.

Access to Light, friendship with Light, even physical intimacy with Light might be what that means. For now, L's innately lonely nature clings to the rival he was denied until the end, his peer, his equal, who may hate L but would only insult himself, by insulting the detective.]

A warden's quarantine. If he wants something, he needs to go through me for it. I'm directly involved in his goals now and if I disagree, it doesn't happen.

[He's perfectly aware, of course, that Light might try to go behind his back... but the disadvantage of being the subject of L's famously fixated obsessions is that it's a virtually impossible task.]

It should go without saying that I fundamentally disagree with Kira, now and always. It should go without saying that I'll die before he finds out about the case's connection with you or Malakai, from me.

[I've done my due diligence, separating all of this in my mind. Save your grievances and your contempt.]

Edited 2021-05-08 19:41 (UTC)

It should go without saying.

[Near agrees, leaving dead and empty air after that statement that could be filled with any number of reasons why it doesn't.

L knows all of this, knows how his bonded - Mello in particular - might feel about it. He's aware that Light had killed him and more than one of the children from Wammy's house - had killed so many others without regrets - but he still wants the company of a murderer for reasons outside of their bond.

He doesn't have the memories Near has. The naga can still bring it up in his mind as clear as playing back a video: the madness in the man's eyes, the way he'd rectified all the killing in his mind by seeing himself as a god, the way he'd flailed about on the floor calling the names of people who wouldn't come for him. The man in this world might not have done that yet, but if what he said to L is any indication then the potential is still very much there.]

He's already killed you once.

[This should go without saying.]

If he does it again it won't be in a way where you'd be able to easily come back.

[And if that happens, Near will be certain the same happens to Kira in turn.]

[L knows, perfectly well, what that dead space means. It's not Near's job to make him feel safe or comforted, which is probably why it's no surprise that he doesn't... but he won't storm out. He refuses to let someone else win, that way, standing his ground to the last.

If that means being taken away on a stretcher, then so be it.

L could ask to see the memories that Near possesses, the ones that make Light Yagami seem ignoble and pitiful. Perhaps it's telling, that he doesn't.]

If he decides to kill me again, in spite of our Bond, I'll put every effort toward killing him first, in spite of our Bond.

[He grinds his teeth.]

If he manages to kill me again, in spite of my best efforts, and anything at all is left of me, may it be weighted with rocks and sunk in the harbor. By someone; I'd not burden you with finishing me off again.

Don't be dramatic.

[It's not the first time he's said this to L. It probably won't be the last, either. Of course compared to Near everyone is overdramatized.]

In any case, you'd have to know he was planning on doing it, which is what concerns me.

[That he might not. That none of them might be aware he was preparing to make any sort of move until he did it. Kira has always been good about not acting unless he knew he had the upper hand.]

And don't think I'm not capable of actual concern, however it might seem.

[He's not good at it, and the amount offered is minuscule, but it's there. Occasionally.]

Don't be dismissive.

[The retort is snap-quick. However extreme Near might believe the words are, they are sincere enough. While L hasn't yet learned that Near called him a loser upon hearing about his death, it's not as though the man doesn't share these thoughts, and isn't disgusted with himself for lacking critical information about Light's ability to manipulate shinigami.]

And you were human... I know you feel concern, in some capacity, for some matters.

[But Near is also opportunistic and callous. L expects that his concern extends to the benefits and drawbacks for his situation, possibly Mello as well; Mello is the only person L's observed anything at all like a soft spot for, regarding his successor's ties to others.

He sighs. Diplomacy and bargaining aren't his strong suit, usually because when he's decided he deserves something, it's difficult for him to be persuaded otherwise, whether it's a punishment or a reward. Light's a little bit of both; Light still feels like his, maybe because they came from the same day in their timeline, maybe because he really is some twisted version of a soulmate.]

If you're at liberty to share specific concerns.... perhaps I can lay them to rest. My goal in telling you about his confession was really only to ensure that we're on the same page... that we're not disseminating contradictory information about ourselves or Malakai to him, and making it easier for him to connect the two of you to the case, or come to realize that he ended up losing in the end. The status quo, where I believe he's not dangerous to anyone here, relies on his continued ignorance of those matters.

[I know it's selfish, but if it's hurting no one, the insult is the only harm, and only to those sentimental enough to care about such matters. That's not you; that was never you.]

[Near is quiet for a moment, still. His tongue darts out of his mouth only once, his eyes focused away from L.]

Have you taken basic firearms training?

[Near had while in America - for emergency purposes. He's barely held a gun outside of training. Even the pistols are heavy in his hands and the noise and kickback are unpleasant. He's fine with just his assistants being armed.]

There's a general rule you're taught as part of firearm safety, and that is to always treat the gun as if it's loaded.

[He does look at L now. Maybe he's lectured his mentor enough, but his continued relationship with Kira isn't a safe one. The fact that he believes the man isn't a threat currently is dangerous.]

It doesn't matter if you're positive the gun is empty. It doesn't matter if the cartridge is removed, or if you've just checked to see if there's a bullet loaded. You don't point it at anyone. When dry firing you pull the trigger first while the gun is pointed at the ground. Accidents happen when you get too confident that the weapon is safe.

[The potential is there. He can't trust Light no matter what point in time he's from. The fact that he's already Kira means he's dangerous enough.]

Don't get too confident.

Watari taught me.

[Which means the training may have been advanced in some ways, critically lacking in others, probably focused around a terrifying hypothetical where L's marksman bodyguard was unable to help him, and a stolen sidepiece was his only desperate option for self-defense.

It had seemed more like a formality than anything else. Likely, they both knew that in such a bleak situation, L would get out with his mind, or not at all. Is that how it is with Light Yagami? Is that why, when they venture into the Cwyldheart, the psychic wound of the Kira case's outcome will manifest as a brutal shot to the head?]

Knowing what he's capable of and believing that he'll act are two entirely different things. Contingent on the variables I named... I don't believe he'll act... and I'm here, telling you this, to establish as much control over those variables as possible. In such cases where variables can be controlled, confidence need not be unfounded... which is rather the point of firearms training. You don't learn to fear a weapon, or love it, but to respect it... isn't that right?

[Respect, above all, is what he feels for Light, as though it's the line between the other two emotions, balancing and completing them and quieting loneliness and boredom alike.]

Of course you respect it.

[Near holds in another sigh, seeing how L clings to this.]

But you also treat it as the danger it is. You don't have to fear something to do that.

[There was never any fear involved on his end where Kira was concerned. He was an obstacle to overcome and, in the end, a creature not even worth his pity. The word 'love' shouldn't even be in the equation.

He isn't worth L's respect now. The metaphorical weapon deserves it more than the actual man.]

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